You should try to use more detail. Your sentence has the potential to be chilling or make the reader grit their teeth. You could make the reader shudder or feel sick or fearful. If you just made it less basic, you could have a masterpiece sentence. Sure you attract attention, but it feels too simple. You could have the power to make an awesome sentence that pulls the reader in but makes them want to cringe and turn away. I can’t say much because I don’t even know what you’re going for or what almost sliced his finger off. I just think that, with additional information, this could be a stellar sentence. (Excuse the word choice, please. I’m exhausted, and that’s just what came to mind.) You’re on a good track with your idea though. Thank you. You actually inspired me to make a sentence I really love.
In some stories, characters may fail to achieve the Story Goal, only to find that their failure is a good thing. For instance, the Alfred Hitchcock film, Rebecca , tells the story of a woman who marries a rich widower. She tries fill the shoes of the first wife, but fails utterly. Yet, that failure turns out to be a good thing. She finds out, in the end, that her husband hated his first wife and loved his new wife because she was so different. Melanie Anne Phillips calls this type of plot a Personal Triumph, but the classical term invented by Aristotle is “Tragi-comedy.”